My wife says, "I don't think that Russ' problem is an isolated incident. Too much money spent on items that do not provide the security that a woman needs does not set well when she is thinking of the needs of the family."
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by upguy: My wife says, "I don't think that Russ' problem is an isolated incident. Too much money spent on items that do not provide the security that a woman needs does not set well when she is thinking of the needs of the family."<hr></blockquote> A woman cannot stand to see a man have any fun. That's why they close their eyes during sex. Really, what is the purpose of a hobby, any hobby? It is to provide a respite from the daily chores so one does not get un balanced and live in a little world whose boundaries are determined by circumstances or environment not of one's choosing. It is an escape. It is therapy for the mind. It is what keeps you doing what it is you do that pays for the house, the clothes, the charge cards, In olden days men would whittle on wood after a day in the field. Women still complained about wood chips. Women have their hobbies too. The favorite hobby of women is one they will not admit to. They nag. With some women it is not a hobby it is a job. Now let me say also that I am happily married to the same woman for 30 years and yes she nags and yes she thinks railroading is stupid even though her family has a tradition of railroading but then she watches soap operas and the WWF.
Russ, As far as security - model trains are a pretty good investment - look at what collectible MT cars and limited locos go for on ebay - if you ever got in a crunch for money to keep the family secure sell off a few items you will probably get at least most of your money back on them. Safer investment than the stock market or a 201K right now. When a wife or girlfriend starts not liking your "things" it is usually an indication of some deeper issues that really have nothing to do with your stuff.
I disagree with the statment above that women can't stand to see a man have any fun. My wife has little use for my hobby, but she allows me to enjoy it. We are going to be married 20 years this fall. She has hobbies that I don't get into: cross-stitch and other sewing. I hate to say it, but we only heard one side of the story. As a clergyman, I hear from a lot of couples with marital troubles. There may be another side that wasn't shared. Or it may be a controling and manipulative spouse. Or it could be a total immersion into the hobby at the expense of the relationship, or it could be jealousy. Frankly, the relationships that I have seen last are those where each person still has their own identity, maybe even separate hobbies. I hate to see someone feel forced to do anything. It will only lead to resentment and bitterness. Compromise is the key word in marriage. Taking my own marriage as an example, she allows me to spend money on my trains, and she is free to spend money on her sewing. Both of us have small but reasonable limits. Friday nights are usually my train night. Some Friday nights, she asks me not to head to the basement but to be with her. But sometimes she suggests I can spend Saturday evening downstairs as well. I never expect her to get excited about my layout, but she doesn't expect me to get much enthused about her latest needle project either (unless it's a train for the layout room). Jeff Augsburg & Concord R.R. (a fictional shortline in Central Illinois) http://www.geocities.com/revnjeff/index.html
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RevnJeff: I disagree with the statment above that women can't stand to see a man have any fun. My wife has little use for my hobby, but she allows me to enjoy it. We are going to be married 20 years this fall. She has hobbies that I don't get into: cross-stitch and other sewing.. . . Jeff Augsburg & Concord R.R. (a fictional shortline in Central Illinois) http://www.geocities.com/revnjeff/index.html<hr></blockquote> Hey Rev, the first line in my post was in humor. I thought it was obvious but if you didn't take it as such then don't read the one I posted about liking children and how they taste like chicken. But seriously, I will agree with you on a deeper problem when one's hobby becomes an issue in a relationship.
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RevnJeff: [QB] I hate to say it, but we only heard one side of the story. As a clergyman, I hear from a lot of couples with marital troubles. There may be another side that wasn't shared. Or it may be a controling and manipulative spouse. Or it could be a total immersion into the hobby at the expense of the relationship, or it could be jealousy. Frankly, the relationships that I have seen last are those where each person still has their own identity, maybe even separate hobbies. I hate to see someone feel forced to do anything. It will only lead to resentment and bitterness. Compromise is the key word in marriage. Taking my own marriage as an example, she allows me to spend money on my trains, and she is free to spend money on her sewing. Both of us have small but reasonable limits. Friday nights are usually my train night. Some Friday nights, she asks me not to head to the basement but to be with her. But sometimes she suggests I can spend Saturday evening downstairs as well. I never expect her to get excited about my layout, but she doesn't expect me to get much enthused about her latest needle project either (unless it's a train for the layout room). QB]<hr></blockquote> Jeff, Been there, done that- wasn't smart enough to stay married the first time, but this marriage has lasted over 13 years. We also have separate hobbies (heck, she got me to switch to N scale ), and try to support each other in what we do. It isn't easy, but a balance can be made. I'd recommend a book by Willard Harley, called "Give and Take". It was recommended (actually, loaned to me) by our pastor, and has a lot of great ideas for both husbands & wives. Sorry for straying away from trains, but I felt a plug for something that's helped our relationship out was called for.
I agree with Friscobob. It takes more than a man's hobby to cause friction in a spousal relationship. There has to be more to this than trains. In respect to Russ, we probably shouldn't speculate too much on his situation. All we can really do is offer our support, prayers etc, and hope that that is enough. You've been watching the Man Show haven't you Inkaneer?
I'll have to "AMEN" RevnJeff's comments. We still haven't seen any wife's comments posted here, but we all probably know their feelings without visualizing them. My wife supports my hobby even if she sometimes questions the amount of money that I spend. I get a little crazy at times when something new comes out, or I see something that I don't have yet. She has enough interest in the hobby that when she suggests buying some train thing, I am willing to buy it even if it is not something that I would have chosen myself. (She likes steam--I'm more modern; she likes billboard cars--I don't.) At the same time, I try to accomodate her side of the balance sheet and buy when there is something non-train that she wants. She is very careful in her spending habits, and I appreciate that very much. I told her before we were married that I would not be spending my time in bars or my money on booze and cigarettes--trains were my vice. As long as the family is not suffering because of my hobby, she is supportive. That's the way it should be. Balance is the important thing.
My wife and I will have been married 49 years this coming October. Here is a message from my wife. Dick started his first model layout in 1973. He got so wrapped up in it and spent all our spare cash that we had no time together or money for intertainment. I finally put my foot down and told him it was either his railroad or me. I am happy to say he chose me. When we retired in 1998 Dick mentioned that he would like to build a model railroad layout. I told him he could but would have to limit his time and budget money for it. He agreed and bult a small 4 x 4 N gauge layout. Everything worked out great. I have my hobby with knitting and chrocheting and our time and money is pretty much equal. When we moved to a larger home, Dick expanded his layout over double the size.. He really wasn't to happy with it as his trains kept derailing. He would fix one spot and they would derail someplace else. I finally got tired of his bellyaching and told him if he was so unappy with his layout, why doesnt he tear it down and build a new larger one around the wall and I would even go for a double decker. Again we agreed on the amount of time and money he would spend so it will take him quite a while to build it. He is happy and willing to have a go at it. Meanwhile I will continue with my knitting and chrocheting. I am more than happy to support him and give him a hand if he needs it but I will also expect him to help me if I have problems. There it is. I think I have a pretty good wife
Man, you've got a great wife. Balance. Perfect! My girlfriend is the same way, she wants me to budget for things, I'm a little on the "see and buy" side I guess. Of course, I love her to death for keeping me in moderation. Jeff
well it looks like I'm the exception to the women vs. trains bit. The first girl I was engaged to about 8 years ago did not like any of my hobbies. I remember a few months before we were to get married, she said to me, "Oh honey I think you should stop buying RC planes." OK I said, and RC cars-OK, plastic models-OK, fixing up old cars-well oh, OK, and trains in general-uh, I don't think so! Good bye! Wedding called of, thank the great makker! If she wanted that much control of me I would not marry her. Years latter I met a sweet girl from the midwest, and we got along great, but I never told her my love of trains. Besides girls don't like trains right? Well one day while driving around with her, I spoted an IC train. I had my camera at the time, so I sped up thinkking I could beat him into town and snap some pics. When I got my pics and got back into the truck she looked at me kind of strange. "You like trains?" She said, "Well yeah its just something I do." "I love trains!" To my amazement she told me how she grew up next to the IC main line and would watch every train that went by, and how she played with her younger brothers toy trains. Since then we have been happily "merged." I say merged, because as a kid with an HO layout I could not find much Maine Central stuff so I did Santa Fe. She on the other hand, which she still cannot explain, loved the Burlington Northern. I think it is because she was born the same year as the BN, and she loves green, but Cascade Green? We now both model the BNSF, and she does her part in putting up and painting buildings, scenery, and buying what she calls "cool looking" Micro Trains cars at shows. I do the prototype stuff, research, painting, and detailing. Just as any other normal? husband and wife we have different interests. She likes NASCAR, I prefer Touring Car racing from Europe. She has no interst in the old MEC, she like long, modern trains. I like steam, branchlines, and older railroads. I can honestly say that the only arguments we have had concerning trains was who was going to buy what She has started a rather large O Gauge collection made up of Lionel, MTH, and now K-Line. I had no idea I would have such a great wife, but true to what a wise friend told me once, my wife is my best friend!
Warren asked me to respond to this question. I have never been in chat rooms so please excuse me if this sounds stupid. Warren is a good and loving husband. I did not know of his love for trains until we were married for about 5 years. I do not quite understand how he gets a thrill from watching his little trains go round and round, but I would never think of depriving him of them. At times he goes overboard in his spending habits and this causes some arguements. 2 years age he got a part time job at the hobby shop which has really worked out. The money he makes there is his to use for his trains. We had our first son in november of last year and Warren has taken on the task of stay at home dad. I am seeing a side of my husband that I did not know he had. He has turned out to be a wonderful father. He still has time to work at the hobby shop so money is not an issue. I still buy him trains for his birthday and Christmas. He is very good at leaving obvious hints of what he wants. The only trouble is keeping him from buying them before I can. To other wifes I would say, I always know where my husband is. If he is not with me or his son, he is in the garage with his trains or on the computer with his train buddys. I don't have to call around bars to find him or worry that he might be with other women. That is piece of mind that a many of my friends don't have.
My wife's name is Julie. She is the greatest wife a guy could ever hope for. It's hard to type with tears in your eyes......
Great posts ladies! (And also you guys!) It's nice to get some fresh input from those that share this hobby with us (even if it is indirectly in some cases). And to think that this is just the people married (or going with) those modeling in N-scale.
Hi. My name is Janet and my husband is "into" trains. His hobby began after we were newly married, it acted as a stress reliever (from his job, not me!) and, in the heat of Texas, kept him in the air conditioning! While I do not truly understand the obsession (disease?), I do take an interest and try to help him out if he needs it. Rarely is there a car that I "must" have, but I do have my own cars and locomotives. I try to keep him on a budget, but it is his money to spend. He, likewise, does not mind my interests - cake decorating and selling Pampered Chef products (at least his hobby isn't fattening!). I go to shows with him and he knows just what kind of cars I'd like for Christmas. Like everyone else, he prefers prototypical cars and I like the "cute" type billboard cars, candy cars, etc. He also is very good at dropping hints for his respective holiday gifts. (My family doesn't quite get the right items so we leave railroad gifts up to me to buy.) As was previously said, I know where he is and what he is doing. Yes, the hobby is more expensive than others but if it makes him happy...... I even "let" him build a room in the basement of our new house to use for a larger, two level layout. Happy railroading!! Janet Well, I am truly happy with my wife's views about my hobby. She has gone to Altoona and Cresson PA with me, and recently made a futile trip to Selkirk NY, where we got rained out. I realize that when our family expands I will have less time for my trains, but will not have to give them up, just pay attention to the more important things. She lets me take advantage of the time we have now to get the large expenses and time consuming tasks of building a layout out of the way, and even helps too.
I just have to say my first wife tolerated my trains,but I did get a little to wrapped up in them tho.My present wife knew of my love for trains and we would even take our 2 little girls to model rr meets and conventions.But I lost a interest some time ago and sold all my stuff and started a new hobby in r/c trucks.Now I'm wanting to get back in the rr hobby she is still supportive of my decesion.Just have to find a way suppot two hobbies now.My two oldest girls are 6 and my youngest is 3 and they all like daddies hobbies.To me thats what it is all about.
This is Jim's wife, Tina. I was happy when I found out that my husband was into trains. I, like other ladies, am happy when my husband is working on his railroad rather than out partying every night. I have other hobbies besides trains but that is one thing that we can do together. I have gone to several train shows with him and I really enjoy doing that. It gives us a chance to do things together My other hobbies include sewing and cross stitch. I am currently working on cross stitching a Great Northern F3 engine for him to hang in his hobby room when I get it finished. I take this with me whenever we go to a train show to run trains. The next project is to make a UP Big Boy for him to hang up in his hobby room (thats a challenge!). My husband teases me because I am getting to the point that I have more trains than he does. We have a hard time going to a store because one of us wants to buy something for our trains whether it is a building, loco or a freight car. Jim--> Yup, it's great, the only thing I have to really "put up" with is her Burlington Northern stuff
"Hi...I...am John's...wife. He....is the greatest...husband. I...love his...hobby...and support...everything...he does." Now say it like you mean it or I won't let go of your ear! Seriously, my wife can't figure out my train habit, but she supports it all the same. We decide each month if there is enough money left over to buy train stuff, but generally, I just make what I can't afford. My 4-year-old is my train buddy and she really likes that. M middle son was into it too, till he found girls ! She is happy, I am happy, we are all happy !! Happy Modeling!! John
