After about ten years of kind'a knowing that the better half simply loathes my involvement in this hobby, I've decided that I am going to hang it up. At least for the next 10 to 15 years anyway, when I retire around 50 and the kids are gone (maybe). I started-out in HO and advanced to having photos of detailed and kitbashed locos appear in MR on several occasions and once on the cover of NMRA Bulletin. I also had an HO photo appear in the MR calendar a couple years back. I converted to N a few years ago for common reasons (which was the biggest blow to relations...and has essentially continued since). I envy those of you who's better halves participate and/or support you passion, but urge you to proceed with caution! Mine simply cannot understand or tolerate what is admittedly an attention-consuming hobby, when there's always something else that should or could be done (and there always is...right?). I've decided that staying involved at any level would continue to cause problems, and therefore I am going to have to turn-away altogether. Half of my rolling stock is already packed up (for storage or sale) and I need to figure out what to do with a 1/3 completed 6' x 16' layout that's been ten years in the making, and has it's own room built for it in the 3-car garage. This puts a knot in my stomach but I think I would prefer it to be gone "out of site and out of mind". I've enjoyed participating on this board a great deal too, but am going to log-off after this post for the same reasons. I do wish everyone all the best, including Alan and Craig with their ventures . Your N scale friend-in-hiding, Russ p.s. please excuse any lack on my part to reply to any responses.
Sorry to see a good N scaler go It must be real hard to give up something you love. Your wife should feel honored that you are giving up something you love for someone you love more. Hope to see you again in 10 or so years
Wow....wow....all I can say is wow. Too much of anything usually leads to friction in a marriage. Hobbys, sports, friends, TV, especially if it effects the finances of the household. This was the sticking point with my wife, so I went out and got a part time job at the local hobby shop to finance my hobby, and now there is no more friction. Is there any way you two can come to some kind of comprimize? Please take some advise. DO NOT sell your stuff. Unless you absoloutly have to for financial reasons. It's a mistake I have made several times in my past. Your post has left me sad. It has brought back thoughts of a past life that is better left forgotten. I hope you two can work this out some way.
Russ, I am devastated that you should have to take such a step. Surely some sort of compromise could be reached. Your wife must understand your passion for the hobby, and would not really want to take it away from you. Very sad.
Tehachapifan, Real sad to read your messsage. Of course, life is a continual challenge and some compromises must be made. But if model railroading is your way of life, i'm not sure that resigning will be the right solution (for you at least). And doing so may bring more problems that it will solve. May I suggest that you try to find the best arrangement so that you model railroad survives and that the other things to be done in the house. Just a question of compromises... Jean-Louis Simonet Visit traiN'ternet : http://www.trainternet.org/
I have to agree with Jean- Louis, It starts small first its your favorite old t-shirt, then its your old hot rod, then its monday night football, then its your trains! It is really unfair for a loved one to ask you to give up something that is uniquely you, especially without something else given up in return from the other party, assuming that these things are not illegal or otherwise harmful. One day once your favorite things are gone, the significant other wakes up and says "you've changed" and "your not the person I fell in love with" and then they are gone too, and you then have nothing. I have been down this slippery slope myself and the lesson learned is never give up the things that make you who you are, ( scaling back is OK as long as it is reciporical)
As with the other fellows, I'm very saddened by these events. I've been there and lost the other half. ( Now its great because I can spend whatever time and money I want on my hobbies). From experience, it may be more harmful to give up something you love and could cause you to have resentment later in your relationship. I also agree you should not sell any of your stuff. Good luck. See ya round in 10 or so years.
Pack your stuff away somewhere safe(out of your house, away from where it can be sold at a yard sale or other such spring cleaning) such as your parents house(or other such safe haven), and visit us every once in a while. We are all pulling for you. Good luck in whatever happens.
I am really sorry to hear your choice Russ, but if it's for the better than hopefully it will make things better for you. Thanks for the wishfull thinking for my self and all the others, including Alan. Gonna miss you here Russ.
Hi Russ, I can understand your dilemma, marriage is about making compromise and making sacrifices but do have to give up something you really love must be difficult for you. Is there not a way you can still enjoy your hobby while still being able to spend time with the family and doing chores around the house? The last thing you want to do is give it up and end up resenting your family. My advice is to speak with your wife and see if you can come to some type of understanding Good luck and I hope everything turns out fine for you.
Russ, I have seen deaths, serious illnesses and many other tragic events reported on Trainboard but without doubt this is the saddest posting I have ever read. As someone with an understanding wife I just cannot imagine the circumstances that result in such a decision. Perhaps I shouldn't say this but my gut feeling is that abandoning your trains will not be the answer to your problems. I hope that I am wrong. Take care, John.
Russ, It's very sad to see you go, Very Sad I hope your wife realizes that this hobby is very hard to give up, and how bad you must feel. Sad to see you go, Hunter
Geez, It's a sad post. Like others said, there has to be a compromise somewhere. A little background on my relationship with my girlfriend... She supports it, even offers to help with scenery when I get that far. But, she does think in terms of moderation. When I showed her Tony Koester's plans for his new NKP third sub. She thought it was a little excess to knock out part of the garage. But she does understand. She is glad that I do something constructive. I also own a 96 Impala SS, that I go to car shows in. I love it. It's fun, I belong to three Impala clubs. She doesn't really understand the whole car show thing, but tolerates it. We trade off. I'm not big into basketball, she is. One night I had a car show, and she wanted to go out to watch the Sixers in the playoffs. We went to the car show, then left to watch the game. I guess one hand washes the other. I really hope, Russ that you reconsider your current dilema. You should never give up on something like that. It's your passion, your love and it's perfectly healthy.
Russ, I've been reluctant to respond to your post, since I don't know both sides of the story, but it sounds like both of you need to sit down & go over your common priorities. I wouldn't give up the trains (cut back for a while, but not for 10 years), as I could see some resentment coming out of this. Take care of your relationship with your spouse, get things worked out- that's even more important than this hobby. Personally, I'd keep getting magazines from time to time, work on a project or two, but not abandon the hobby. Good luck to both of you- we'll be here pulling for both of you.
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by friscobob: sounds like both of you need to sit down & go over your common priorities. <hr></blockquote> I agree with you friscobob. Hunter
I guess I don't understand the whole post. What does your better half want you to do for relaxation? Sit on your tail and watch the BOOB TUBE? Oh yeah, there is a real good way to use/loose your mind! Have you seen the @*&#$ on TV lately? Is she giving up anything for you? Have you tried to get her involved in the hobby? My wife of 9+ years, at first thought that some of my model railroading friends were a little weird! Now she knows a whole bunch of these guys are weird about trains in general(including yours truly). But she has seen that it is a great hobby, that I am home each night, not running around, and don't do the bar/party scene anymore. Don't sell the trains right now, make a compromise with her. Cut down the time spent on the hobby, but make sure that the wife understands that it is a two way street. You will be expecting a little give on her position also. I guess I am reading between the lines when I ask if there are other things happening also? GOOD LUCK----HANG IN THERE!
