A Little NScale Humor

@Massey You pushed the envelope for sure...

 

But they kept abreast of excursions......

 

Boo, hiss, groan.....I like it!

 

Looks like a pretty good crowd. It definitely wasn't a bust. They seem to have done a good job getting the word out aboutit.

 

LOL @acptulsa !

 

Your post is sick, twisted and depraved . . . and also funny.

 

If it is expensive and fragile, it's motive power.

If it is messy and in the way, it's scenery.

And if it doesn't work, it's wiring.

 

True story here.
My neighbor Rose was just getting home from the hospital after a single mastectomy. I was outside so I said Hi and welcomed here home. She gave me a brief update on here situation.

As she started for the house, before I realized what I was saying I said "keep me abreast of the situation". We both just froze and looked at each other. I started to apologize. I was so embarrassed. Rose started laughing so hard it hurt her surgery site and that made her laugh harder.

Rose thanked me and said she really needed that laugh. That made me feel a little less embarrassed but I could still taste my foot in my mouth!

Twenty five years later she is still with us!

 

LL, my sympathy. OTOH, been there, done that, got lotsa coffee cups and t-shirts.

 

It's the third week in January, three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference in Brighton. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

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'How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?' asks an accountant. 'Watch and you'll see', answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'All tickets please.' The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. 'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed accountant.' Watch and you'll see, 'answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

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Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, 'All tickets please.'

 

I think we have all heard this one at one time or another, but I noticed no one posted it here yet. So here goes, enjoy.

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his
train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the
door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him
saying,

"All right, all of you son of a bitches who want to get on the train, get
on train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to get off the
train, get off the train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to
change seats, change seats now 'cause the trains getting ready to
leave. Whoo whooooo."

The mother was just devastated, so she scolded her son and said to him,

"Now son, I want to go upstairs and take your nap, and when you get up,
you can't play with your train set for two hours."

So the boy took his nap and didn't even mention his train set for
two hours. After the two hours were up, the boy asked his mom if he
could play with his train set again. She said yes, and asked him if he
understood why he was punished. He nodded his head yes, and off he
went. The mother stood by door to listen to what her son would say.
The boy sat down to his train set and calmly said,

"Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get on the
train, get on the train. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to
get off the train, get off the train. And all you son of a bitches who
are pissed 'cause the train is two hours late, go talk to the woo woo woo in
the kitchen.

 

I've heard that one before, although with "mechanics" instead of "accountants". Absolutely my favorite railroad joke. I think it works better with the accountants.

 

And so very true!!

 

Massey, I agree with your post and hope it doesn't disappear so I won't copy.

 

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨

The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨

 

Here is a bit of military humor.

There was an Army General, an Air Force General, and a Naval Admiral all sitting down eating lunch at a conference. They drew on the topic of who has the bravest men serving under them. Of course this turned into a heated argument that could not be decided on over lunch. So the men decided to have a test to see who was the bravest of the brave, and all agreed to meet at the army camp the next weekend.

So the 3 get together at the army camp and the General pulls a man out of formation. He then orders the man to walk through the middle of the live fire range, then over to the tank training grounds and directly in front of a moving tank. "Yes SIR!" and the soldier runs off. He gets shot a couple times through the range but gets up and runs out to the tank training where he is squashed flat. Never once flinching. See that is a brave man! The Air Force General and Admiral both admitted that was very brave. But they were not convinced.

The next weekend they are at the air field. The General pulls a pilot aside and instructs him to jump into a fighter and take off, do a vertical climb as high as the plane can go then with full afterburner dive the plane into the ground. "Yes SIR", and the pilot runs to a nearby plane. It takes off in a huge roar and climbs vertically until it cannot be seen. A few minutes later the plane can be seen again heading straight down at an insane speed. BAM! the plane hits the ground leaving a huge crater. "Now that was brave" said the General. The others agreed that it was indeed brave, but again not sure if it was the bravest. The Admiral then says, wait till next week when you come out to my ship.

Next week the 2 Generals meet at the aircraft carrier that is the Admiral's flag ship. The Admiral pulled a sailor out of formation and said he had an important mission for him. The Sailor said "Yes Sir!, What can I do for you Admiral?" The Admiral then tells him to climb the mast to the highest point and dive head first onto the flight deck. The sailor looks up the mast, then down to the deck and back. Then he turns to the Admiral and says "Woo woo woo you!" and walks off.

The Admiral then turned to the Generals and said now that was brave! They all agreed and the Admiral won the bet.

 

That's a good one! Being a Navy vet, with two brother's having been Army..........

 

Not to mention destroying a fantastic aircraft!